Consequence

The dark before the dawn was always the strangest dark of all. The sky was not black, but rather a deep indigo, paling into shades of lighter blues and touched with distant purples with telltale dots of white and yellow that twinkled like foreign lanterns. At least, it may have looked that way if not for the film of dark grey that hung over it like a veil hiding a bride. And from that sky, the snow fell, forming a soft blanket over the bare ground, covering the dead brown and ashen yellows with soft white. The only light that shone in the whole street was the lone streetlamp. It spilled a fount of yellow over the ground, illuminating the fresh frost with gold.

Gold and diamonds. Come morning and come people, it’ll all be a pile of grey mush.

“And a real pity that, ain’t it?”

Sam looked at the skinny boy who stood next to him with an arm slung around his neck. He wore an old Rolling Stones t shirt with a faded varsity jacket over torn jeans. His sneakers crunched in the snow as he swayed lightly to a rhythm in his head. Tipping his head back, he gulped down a few mouthfuls of vodka from the bottle in his other hand.

“But that’s just the whole damn world, ain’t it, Sammy boy?” he drawled. “All pretty and shiny for a itty bitty little while until cold hard reality comes around, kicks you in the arse and turns it all into…what did you call it?” A leer stretched across his face, revealing yellowed teeth. “Grey mush.”

Sam growled low in his throat, pushing the boy’s arm off and pacing away from him, brushing snow out of his hair as it dampened his scalp.

The boy put his hands up in a placatory gesture, taking dawdling steps forward. “Easy there, big boy. What’s the matter, love? I thought you’d be happy.”

Sam barked out a humourless laugh, his eyes rising to the dull, dark sky as if praying for a miracle.

“What’re you looking up there for? You think you’re gonna find something in the sky and the snow before it becomes mush? Don’t think I don’t know what’s running around in that noggin of yours.”

Sam worked his jaw up and down, looking everywhere but at the boy next to him. He stiffened, knotting his hands into fists as the skinny boy sidled up next to him and threw his arm back around his neck.

“You know, you should treat me better,” he said in a serious tone, pouting his lower lip as he ducked his head to look into Sam’s face. “After all, I’m the one who’s always been with you. I stayed with you when everyone left. I’m always here to talk whenever you need to be a giant girl and gush about your feelings. I was true to you, never ever cheated on you.”

He moved closer to Sam and tightened his arm around his neck, ignoring the way Sam’s heart quickened as he moved around to stand behind him and dropped his chin onto his shoulder. He pressed his nose into Sam’s hair, inhaling the scent of him as the other boy shuddered.

“Oh, Sammy. Sammy Sammy Sammy.” He shook his head morosely. “Why won’t you ever see?” He took another swig of his vodka and raised the half-empty bottle up to point at the sky. “You remember mummy? You dear pretty mummy? She always said that she’d watch over you, she and all the angels. She said that every little star in the sky was an angel and one day, she’d become one of them and even from there, she’d protect you.” Sam let out a dry sob. The boy peered around, the corners of his mouth dragging down as he batted his eyes sadly. “She lied, Sammy. She didn’t protect you and neither did her poofy-winged little buddies. She lied, just like everybody else.”

“Shut up, M,” Sam muttered.

M’s eyes widened like green lanterns in his pinched, unshaven face. He dropped his bottle, circled around to stand in front of Sam and gripped him by the shoulders as a wide grin spread across his face.

“Say that again,” he breathed. Sam tightened his jaw, pressing his lips together and looked away as if the very sight of M’s face pained him. It didn’t seem to deter the other boy. “You said my name,” he sighed happily. “You told me to shut up.” He gave a little laugh, shaking Sam playfully. “You actually told me to shut up!”

“Stop it,” Sam whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Oh, don’t be like that!” M let go of him, picked up his bottle and took two more gulps. He tilted his head pointedly, shaking one finger at him. “That’s not very fair to me. I was the one who was always looking out for you, even when mummy died and daddy left and big brother and big sister tried to put you away.”

“They were trying to help me,” said Sam in a small voice.

M shook his head sympathetically, stepping forward and holding the taller boy by the shoulder. “Is that what you tell yourself?” he asked, raising his brows at the indecision and anguish on Sam’s face. “Oh, Sam. That’s what people say to make themselves feel better. They wanted to lock you away.”

“I could have hurt someone.”

“You?” M laughed aloud. “You couldn’t steal candy from a baby if you tried.”

“I was sick.”

“They wanted to put you down like a dog.”

“They didn’t! They’re my family!”

“If you trusted them so much, then why did you ask for me?”

Hate burned in the dark pits of Sam’s eyes. “I didn’t ask for you,” he growled.

“You prayed and prayed to your mummy and your angels and none of them came. You may not have asked for me, love, but I came. And you took me.” He pointed a finger at him. “You wanted me.”

“No, I didn’t!”

“You needed me.”

“Shut up!”

“You loved me.”

“Shut the hell up!”

“I stayed with you and took care of you. You did love me, Sammy. I could see it in your baby blues that you did.” Sam made a choked noise of disgust. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re my favorite too. It was always us: you and me against the world.”

“Just leave me alone!”

“I can’t do that, Sammy. You wanted that deal.”

“Then, I want out!”

Sam stood panting in his place. The cold and the wetness was beginning to seep through his canvas shoes and socks, but he could barely feel it. M shook his head pityingly, stepping closer to Sam until they were toe to toe.

“Nobody breaks deals with me, Sammy boy,” he chided. “You knew that when you took it.”

Sam trembled, tears welling in his eyes. “Please,” he begged. “Please…”

“Come on,” he grinned. His yellow teeth were all strangely pointed, stark against the red that smeared around his mouth. “It ain’t all that bad. How does that song go?” He bobbed his head, humming a tune. “Baby, take my hand, don’t fear the reaper, we’ll be able to fly, don’t fear the reaper…baby, I’m your maaaaaaan.” He smirked, the expression twisting across his face. “Blue Oyster Cult. Good stuff, love. Big brother had good taste in tunes for what it was worth.” Sam glanced at the blood on M’s face, biting his lips to stifle his sobs.

“I gave you everything, Sammy,” said M seriously, spreading his arms out. “I took care of you and dealt with everyone who wanted to hurt you. It’s just about time you give me something back.” Sam clutched at M’s forearms, bawling. “Don’t you worry, love,” he assured, caressing Sam’s face, running his thumbs over his cheekbones and leaving streaks of red. “It’s a bit hot down there, but you’ll get used to it. We’ll have good fun, you and me, you’ll see. Sam and M, M and Sam, just as it’s always been and should be. After all,” he whispered, pressing a red kiss to the boy’s forehead, “It’s only forever.”

As the sun rose and shadows stretched across the white, the gold of the streetlight faded away and the sunlight refracted through the fragments of ice, casting miniscule rainbows and splashes of blue and lilac. All that remained of Sam and M were a set of footprints that disappeared at the edge of the sidewalk.

Shared Space

The maple avenue in the northern part of the park had been his personal haunt for years, being the only place in the city where he could get any work done. His dorm room was always haunted by his roommate’s girlfriends. His friend, Rick, was in the Chemistry department; the last time he had tried to work in his room, an accident had resulted in a gaping hole through his copy of Tennyson’s poems. Drake Johnson always managed to hunt him down in the library and the cafeteria was an invitation for disaster. Here, he had always managed to find a measure of peace, enough to sit and concentrate on his literature, until this girl had invaded it a fortnight ago.

Her presence had irritated him at first. Not only did she occupy his spot, she also brought her dalmatian along with her. It always eyed him so thoroughly, growling lowly in its throat, as if sizing him up to see who would win in a fight if he tried to chase it and its owner away. Once, when he had made an aggravated face at it, it had barked loudly at him, making him scramble backwards and grab for his books. The girl had reined it in, apologizing profusely, and had offered to leave if she was bothering him. To his surprise, he had let her stay.

They had settled into a seeming routine for the next week or so. He would be annotating his paper on ‘Tristan and Isolde’ and she would be tapping her feet to whatever song was playing on her iPod. He was always there before her, drinking a cup of the strongest espresso he could get. She would join him a few minutes later, give him a polite smile of acknowledgement and sit on the opposite bench, swaying silently to her music.

He didn’t have the best track record with girls; every crush he had ever had had ended up dating his friends or the bullies who enjoyed beating him up in gym class. On his own part, he would get so shy around a pretty girl and his mouth would run a mile a minute in defense, and he would end up spouting streams of trivia until she made an excuse to leave.

His roommate hadn’t taken long to deduce that there was a girl in his life. How he figured it out, he would never find out. He figured that it was something about serial daters in general: they could always find out when evasive answers translated into a female. 

“Who is she?”

 

“I told you, Dave, there isn’t anyone.”

“I’ve known you for two years and I’ve known nerdkind for longer. You’ve got it bad, man! Is she pretty?”

 

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Aha!” He had pointed a triumphant finger at him. “I knew it! Come on, what’s her name?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’ve been mooning after the girl for two weeks and you don’t know her name?”

“I haven’t been mooning!”

Dave had caught the book he had thrown at him. “You leave at the same time every day and come back looking like a plastered arse. You’re practically stalking her!”

“I am not stalking!” he had snapped. “And how do you manage to unstick yourself from Lisa long enough to see me leave?”

“Lisa…is that her name? Oi, keep your books to yourself!”

“Moron.”

“You’re worse.” Dave’s face became serious as he grabbed him by the shoulder and fixed him with a stare. “Look here, if you don’t man up and go talk to the girl, someone’s going to take her before you even get the sense to try.”

He knew that he was in a bad state when Dave’s words made sense. He had moved more hesitantly that day when he left his dorm room with his laptop bag and a copy of Shakespeare’s sonnets under his arm. He had been so deep in thought that he had tripped and spilled half his usual espresso into a potted plant outside the coffee shop, narrowly missing a woman and her baby. 

I’m a goner, he had thought hopelessly as he sputtered apologies to the outraged woman and fled. He had taken a breath and stopped in front of a shop window. Turning to face his reflection, he had straightened up to his full lanky height, fixed his tan corduroy jacket over his sweater vest and tie. Checking his reflection in a shop window, he had puffed his chest out and smoothed back his wavy hair. Plastering on a confident grin, he had practically strutted all the way to the local park. When he had reached his usual bench, she was already there. She had glanced at him and smiled. 

His own smile faltered as he felt a sensation in his chest like a deflating balloon. She looked even prettier than usual with her brown hair tumbling loosely over her shoulders, held off her face with a tartan headband to match her scarf. He threw her a shaky smile in reply and pretty much scurried to his own bench.

I can’t do this, he thought miserably. Her headphones were in her ears again and her fingers swayed like a conductor’s baton on her lap. Her dark Rayban sunglasses prevented him from knowing whether she was watching him or if her eyes were closed. He wondered what kind of song she was listening to. Maybe she was listening to old fashioned Billie Holiday or Gershwin, or perhaps, boy band love ballads from the 90’s. Perhaps, she was one of those quiet girls who loved AC/DC and Metallica or a closet rap or heavy metal maniac. Maybe she was listening to a Mozart harpsichord piece or a Schubert violin composition. He silently hoped that she wasn’t into goth music or Justin Beiber. 

“What are you listening to?” he found himself asking. Immediately, he clapped a hand over his mouth, cursing himself for letting his thoughts slip out. 

She raised her brows quizzically and took off her headphones. “Excuse me?” Her voice was pleasantly musical. 

“I was wondering,” he stammered, “what are you listening to?”

“Oh,” she smiled and extended her headphones. “Do you want to hear?”

He blinked. “That’s all right?”

“Sure. Here.” He closed his laptop and moved over to sit next to her, keeping an agreeable space between them. Her dog gave him a suspicious look, but she patted it on the head and it dropped down again, though keeping an eye on him. He took her headphones from her and pulled them over his ears.

He smiled lightly to himself as the gentle, yet powerful strains of a symphony concerto wafted through his ears. As the orchestra played, a piano thrummed strongly in a haunting tune. He took off the headphones and handed them back to her.

“Very nice,” he found himself grinning. “What is it?”

“Rachmaninov’s Piano Concerto no. 2 in C Minor,” she replied, taking her headphones and placing them in her lap. 

 

“It’s beautiful.”

“It’s one of my favorite pieces. You like classical music?”

“I like listening to it, yeah. Do you play anything?”

“Yes, the piano. I’m a music student; my orchestra is working on this piece.”

He raised his brows, impressed. His breath caught lightly in his throat as he recalled the powerful drumming of the piano in that piece. An image floated into his mind: her attired in a long black dress, her fingers moving with unerring skill over the ivory keys of a grand piano while the orchestra behind her struggled to keep up with her pace.

“Wow,” he replied slowly, swallowing audibly. “I was in my school band once,” he quipped.

“Really? What did you play?”

“The triangle,” he said with a sheepish grin. She laughed merrily at his embarrassed tone; he found himself smiling at her chuckling. Oddly, he did not feel mocked as he would probably in any other situation. 

“Oh, I’m sorry!” he flustered, offering her a hand. “I didn’t introduce myself! I’m Arthur, Arthur Grayson.”

“Nice to meet you, Arthur,” she replied pleasantly, lifting her own hand to shake. He grabbed it nervously. “I’m Gwen.”

“Gwen,” he tested the name on his tongue. “Is that short for something?”

She raked her fingers through her hair in a sheepish gesture. “Guinevere,” she admitted, “but don’t tell anyone.”

“Why? It’s a pretty name.”

“A mite bit old fashioned,” she shrugged. “I used to get teased for it. My parents are big fans of literature. They get their switching fancies from time to time. If I had been born a few years earlier, I might have been Arwen, from…”

“The Lord of the Rings,” he completed, nodding. “Arwen is a good name. They could have named you Galadriel.”

“Gorgeous name, but imagine going through high school with that.”

Arthur grimaced. “I can imagine. So your mum and dad fancied L’morte d’Arthur. Good taste.”

“You read a lot, I presume?”

“I’m a lit student,” he replied. “Reading is a part of my job description.”

“Really?” Her face seemed to light up as she scooted around to face him more properly. “What are you working on right now?”

“Well,” he said cautiously, “right now, I’m working on a paper describing female archetypes in fifteenth century literature, mostly from the King Arthur legends, old mythology and related texts. I also have another paper regarding my personal interpretation of Goethe’s Faustus regarding the relationship between Faust and Mephistopheles. I’m also working on a little extra credit project about Shakespeare’s sonnets and his fascination with the iambic pentameter.”

He bit his lip slightly after finishing his explanation. Most girls blinked blankly at him, called him a nerd or became obsessively romantic. Instead, Gwen gave an interested nod and a cheeky grin.

“I bet you barely sleep with that kind of workload. It explains your need for strong coffee. The smell of it fills the whole avenue! It’s how I can always tell when you’re coming.”

He blushed and hid a smile. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said airily. “So what female archetype do I fit into?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly. In truth, he did not know if she could be categorized as easily as the women of literature. There was something about her that interested him to no level. 

“Spoilsport,” she teased.

“You might just be an archetype of your own,” he said airily.

“If you say so,” she shrugged, her lips twisting in amusement, “King Arthur.”

“I do say so,” he shot back, startled at his own boldness, “Queen Guinevere.”

Her cheeks colored a faint pink at his retort and he felt like kicking himself. He opened his mouth to stutter an apology, but held himself back and instead, plucked up his courage and asked pointedly, “So, does Queen Guinevere like coffee?”

“No.” His heart sank at her abrupt reply and he shifted a bit away from her, his face coloring in embarrassment. She seemed to notice because she cried, “No, it’s not like that! It’s just….”

“Just what?”

“Arthur,” she said slowly, “you’re nice, really. I’m just not used to this. Sorry.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Most boys…don’t really like me.”

 

“I don’t get how. You’re very…interesting,” he said lamely. 

She laughed before sobering. “Did you ever wonder why I wear shades in the autumn?” she asked slowly.

“No,” he replied warily. “I thought you just liked them.”

Gwen reached up and took them off. Her face looked brighter and lovelier without them; he quietly wondered why she kept them on. Slowly, she opened her eyes and turned to face him. Her irises were a bright summer blue, but the dots that were her pupils were milky white.

“You’re…”

“Blind.” She turned away from him. 

“But how do you play the piano?” he asked in bewilderment. “How do you know about books?”

“I wasn’t born blind,” she replied. Her shoulders seemed to hunch inwards. “I was a bit of a prodigy on the piano and have an eidetic memory; those help. And my parents used to read to me a lot.”

“I see.” She looked so fragile, like a lost child. The world was as unfair as those in books; she was too sweet a person to be so sad. Clearing his throat, he asked, “Well, if Queen Guinevere doesn’t like coffee, then what does she like?”

“I can’t see, Arthur. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“King Arthur can see enough for both of them and can help her where she needs it, as long as the Queen’s dog doesn’t decide to rip his leg off.”

She threw her head back and laughed, the sound reverberating in their maple avenue like a lark’s call. He found himself grinning foolishly.

“Queen Guinevere likes macaroons.” she replied, beaming at him. “Chocolate macaroons and black tea, and she knows a wonderful place to get them.”

He stood up and took her arm, looping it gallantly around the crook of his own. “Lead the way then, and don’t put those back on,” he stopped her as she was about to wear her shades. He blushed. “You look nicer without them.” 

“You do know how things ended with Arthur and Guinevere, don’t you?” She beamed teasingly as she stowed her Raybans away.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Then, I’m glad that no person goes and names their kid Lancelot.”