The dark before the dawn was always the strangest dark of
all. The sky was not black, but rather a deep indigo, paling into shades of
lighter blues and touched with distant purples with telltale dots of white and
yellow that twinkled like foreign lanterns. At least, it may have looked that
way if not for the film of dark grey that hung over it like a veil hiding a
bride. And from that sky, the snow fell, forming a soft blanket over the bare
ground, covering the dead brown and ashen yellows with soft white. The only
light that shone in the whole street was the lone streetlamp. It spilled a
fount of yellow over the ground, illuminating the fresh frost with gold.
Gold and diamonds.
Come morning and come people, it’ll all be a pile of grey mush.
“And a real pity that, ain’t it?”
Sam looked at the skinny boy who stood next to him with an
arm slung around his neck. He wore an old Rolling Stones t shirt with a faded
varsity jacket over torn jeans. His sneakers crunched in the snow as he swayed
lightly to a rhythm in his head. Tipping his head back, he gulped down a few
mouthfuls of vodka from the bottle in his other hand.
“But that’s just the whole damn world, ain’t it, Sammy boy?”
he drawled. “All pretty and shiny for a itty bitty little while until cold hard
reality comes around, kicks you in the arse and turns it all into…what did you
call it?” A leer stretched across his face, revealing yellowed teeth. “Grey mush.”
Sam growled low in his throat, pushing the boy’s arm off and
pacing away from him, brushing snow out of his hair as it dampened his scalp.
The boy put his hands up in a placatory gesture, taking
dawdling steps forward. “Easy there, big boy. What’s the matter, love? I
thought you’d be happy.”
Sam barked out a humourless laugh, his eyes rising to the
dull, dark sky as if praying for a miracle.
“What’re you looking up there for? You think you’re gonna
find something in the sky and the snow before it becomes mush? Don’t think I
don’t know what’s running around in that noggin of yours.”
Sam worked his jaw up and down, looking everywhere but at
the boy next to him. He stiffened, knotting his hands into fists as the skinny
boy sidled up next to him and threw his arm back around his neck.
“You know, you should treat me better,” he said in a serious
tone, pouting his lower lip as he ducked his head to look into Sam’s face.
“After all, I’m the one who’s always been with you. I stayed with you when
everyone left. I’m always here to talk whenever you need to be a giant girl and
gush about your feelings. I was true to you, never ever cheated on you.”
He moved closer to Sam and tightened his arm around his
neck, ignoring the way Sam’s heart quickened as he moved around to stand behind
him and dropped his chin onto his shoulder. He pressed his nose into Sam’s
hair, inhaling the scent of him as the other boy shuddered.
“Oh, Sammy. Sammy Sammy Sammy.” He shook his head morosely.
“Why won’t you ever see?” He took another swig of his vodka and raised the
half-empty bottle up to point at the sky. “You remember mummy? You dear pretty
mummy? She always said that she’d watch over you, she and all the angels. She
said that every little star in the sky was an angel and one day, she’d become
one of them and even from there, she’d protect you.” Sam let out a dry sob. The
boy peered around, the corners of his mouth dragging down as he batted his eyes
sadly. “She lied, Sammy. She didn’t protect you and neither did her
poofy-winged little buddies. She lied, just like everybody else.”
“Shut up, M,” Sam muttered.
M’s eyes widened like green lanterns in his pinched,
unshaven face. He dropped his bottle, circled around to stand in front of Sam
and gripped him by the shoulders as a wide grin spread across his face.
“Say that again,” he breathed. Sam tightened his jaw,
pressing his lips together and looked away as if the very sight of M’s face
pained him. It didn’t seem to deter the other boy. “You said my name,” he
sighed happily. “You told me to shut up.” He gave a little laugh, shaking Sam
playfully. “You actually told me to shut up!”
“Stop it,” Sam whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Oh, don’t be like that!” M let go of him, picked up his
bottle and took two more gulps. He tilted his head pointedly, shaking one
finger at him. “That’s not very fair to me. I was the one who was always looking
out for you, even when mummy died and daddy left and big brother and big sister
tried to put you away.”
“They were trying to help me,” said Sam in a small voice.
M shook his head sympathetically, stepping forward and
holding the taller boy by the shoulder. “Is that what you tell yourself?” he
asked, raising his brows at the indecision and anguish on Sam’s face. “Oh, Sam.
That’s what people say to make themselves feel better. They wanted to lock you
away.”
“I could have hurt someone.”
“You?” M laughed aloud. “You couldn’t steal candy from a
baby if you tried.”
“I was sick.”
“They wanted to put you down like a dog.”
“They didn’t! They’re my family!”
“If you trusted them so much, then why did you ask for me?”
Hate burned in the dark pits of Sam’s eyes. “I didn’t ask
for you,” he growled.
“You prayed and prayed to your mummy and your angels and
none of them came. You may not have asked for me, love, but I came. And you
took me.” He pointed a finger at him. “You wanted me.”
“No, I didn’t!”
“You needed me.”
“Shut up!”
“You loved me.”
“Shut the hell up!”
“I stayed with you and took care of you. You did love me,
Sammy. I could see it in your baby blues that you did.” Sam made a choked noise
of disgust. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re my favorite too. It was
always us: you and me against the world.”
“Just leave me alone!”
“I can’t do that, Sammy. You wanted that deal.”
“Then, I want out!”
Sam stood panting in his place. The cold and the wetness was
beginning to seep through his canvas shoes and socks, but he could barely feel
it. M shook his head pityingly, stepping closer to Sam until they were toe to
toe.
“Nobody breaks deals with me, Sammy boy,” he chided. “You
knew that when you took it.”
Sam trembled, tears welling in his eyes. “Please,” he
begged. “Please…”
“Come on,” he grinned. His yellow teeth were all strangely
pointed, stark against the red that smeared around his mouth. “It ain’t all
that bad. How does that song go?” He bobbed his head, humming a tune. “Baby, take my hand, don’t fear the reaper, we’ll
be able to fly, don’t fear the reaper…baby, I’m your maaaaaaan.” He
smirked, the expression twisting across his face. “Blue Oyster Cult. Good
stuff, love. Big brother had good taste in tunes for what it was worth.” Sam
glanced at the blood on M’s face, biting his lips to stifle his sobs.
“I gave you everything, Sammy,” said M seriously, spreading
his arms out. “I took care of you and dealt with everyone who wanted to hurt
you. It’s just about time you give me something back.” Sam clutched at M’s
forearms, bawling. “Don’t you worry, love,” he assured, caressing Sam’s face,
running his thumbs over his cheekbones and leaving streaks of red. “It’s a bit
hot down there, but you’ll get used to it. We’ll have good fun, you and me,
you’ll see. Sam and M, M and Sam, just as it’s always been and should be. After
all,” he whispered, pressing a red kiss to the boy’s forehead, “It’s only
forever.”
As the sun rose and shadows stretched across the white, the
gold of the streetlight faded away and the sunlight refracted through the
fragments of ice, casting miniscule rainbows and splashes of blue and lilac. All
that remained of Sam and M were a set of footprints that disappeared at the
edge of the sidewalk.
